If only like in years past
Today was all there was
And time stood still for choices made
With no regard for loss
The weight of fears from the past
Would not weigh on the present days
Nor would these fears ever cast
Their shadows on my ways
My mind in haze of dreams of future
My heart filled full of hopes and faith
I would not hesitate to sacrifice
For promises of better days
The urgency of living now
Would not be rushing forth
I could indulge in wasting time
For better or for worse
I would not be at all aware
How finite are the moments lived
And would not treasure every day
As undeserved gift
For granted I would take my freedom
Life would be like a game
I would not guard what I can loose
I’d only have to gain
The world would be as seen by others
Full of ideals, good and bad
My expectations would be shaped
By that which should be had
I would be happy in pursuits
Of happiness defined by preachers
Not conscious that it was pursuits
That made me happy, not the riches
And should I happen to have gained
That which was prized and sought
I’d feel compelled to celebrate
Whether fulfilled or not
But time has passed - my dreams have changed.
No longer challenged by the dangers
I find now happiness in freedom
From falling prey to dreams of strangers
I’m living dreams from days that past
And treasure them as priceless trophies
Not for the value of their cast
But as a tribute to my follies
The only thing I now guard
And hope to never lose
Is freedom of my heart and mind
The freedom that I choose
Of all the dreams I’ve ever gained
And those I’m yet to live
Its freedom to be who I am
I cherish as my gift
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I have always enjoyed reading Russian literature and have tried feel the deep sorrows of people from that country.
ReplyDeleteHow lucky I am to read in English a poem written by Russian heart.
Thank you. It was a wonderful blend reflection and hope at the end and I like that.
I just read it to Colin and he's writing you an email and will give you our update.
I have found Calgary very uninspiring and haven't wanted to make any new films. This is not an exciting place to live, but we are bound to make it our home because Colin's job is good (very good) and he doesn't have other options. We often remember the good times in Toronto even though Colin's work hours were much worse.
I think things will look brighter when we buy a house of our own (we're renting now) which we will do soon and then hope to settle into a more permanent routine.
The kids are busy: Brooklyn (10) is excelling in piano and loves to practice (this is a gift to me).
Reina (7) has finally caught up in learning to read (she had to skip a grade because they start school younger in Canada than the states).
Alek (4) loves living by his grandparents and has picked up reading on his own (he's like his dad).
Kelsey (1.5) is happy to have older siblings to play with and keeps me very busy.
Please keep writing and we hope to see you in Calgary soon.
Thank you Julie...
ReplyDeleteRussian "sorrow" you are referring to is more like “Russian melancholy” that is sweet in that it has no real regrets, like the melancholy of reminiscing about the first love or childhood…. Expressing strong opinions about the world is also very eastern European. That is my stong opinion and I stick by it... unless someone proves me wrong of course...